This blog is all about Post Separation Abuse Awareness Week (21st September to 25th September) - Something, I wouldn't have known much about... I am saying this from lived experience... It can be really unsettling, but it's happening more than you think... sad I know... but it is fact these things happen, they are real, hard to deal with. All I can say is that, you are not alone - and there are ways to move through it. Something, that I can help you deal with and remember it's NOT YOUR FAULT!
You Have The Courage To Leave
Perhaps you’ve moved out, changed your routine or told the people closest to you that the relationship is over.
So why do you still feel as though you’re walking on eggshells?
For some people, separation brings relief. For others, the pressure carries on. The person who once controlled what happened inside the relationship may find new ways to reach into their former partner’s life. This is called post-separation abuse.
It can happen to women or men. It may be obvious to others, or it may be hidden in messages, money worries and arrangements that look ordinary from the outside.
We've Split Up. Why Won't They leave Me Alone?
Imagine your phone lighting up again. It’s another message asking a question that could have waited. If you don’t reply quickly, more messages follow. You begin checking your phone before you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up.
Perhaps plans for the children keep changing at the last minute. Money that was expected does not arrive. Your former partner seems to know where you have been, or contacts other people to find out what you are doing.
Each incident may be explained away on its own. But together, they can leave you feeling watched, worn down and afraid of what might happen next.
The relationship may be over, but the pattern of control may still be there.
What can post-separation abuse look like?
It does not look the same for everyone. It might include:
Repeated calls or messages, especially when you have asked for space.
Threats, intimidation or turning up unexpectedly.
Watching your online activity or trying to access your accounts.
Withholding money, hiding information or creating debts and costs.
Changing arrangements for children again and again.
Asking children to carry messages or report on your life.
Contacting friends, family or professionals to damage your reputation.
Using legal or other processes repeatedly to frighten or exhaust you.
A disagreement after separation does not, by itself, mean abuse is taking place. What matters is the wider pattern: is someone repeatedly using these actions to frighten you, punish you or limit your choices?
When Children Are Caught In The Middle
Children should be free to love and spend time with the important people in their lives without feeling that they must take sides.
But after separation, a child can become a way for one parent to keep reaching the other. They may be asked to pass on messages, questioned about what happens in the other home or made to feel guilty for enjoying time with a parent.
This can be confusing and upsetting for a child. They need reassurance that adult problems are not theirs to solve.
If arrangements for children are being used to put pressure on you, you can seek advice from a family solicitor or an appropriate specialist service. You do not have to work it all out through repeated arguments with your former partner.
Money Can Be Uses To Keep Someone Stuck
Leaving a relationship does not always mean regaining control of your money.
An ex-partner may withhold payments, hide income or assets, delay decisions about a home, refuse to share information or use money linked to the children as leverage. The uncertainty can make it hard to plan from one week to the next.
When you are exhausted and bills are due, agreeing to something just to end the pressure can feel tempting. You deserve time to understand your options. A family solicitor and a regulated financial adviser can help with decisions that affect your legal and financial future.
The Feeling Of Being Watched
Phones and shared accounts can make it difficult to feel truly separate. Someone may know things you have not told them, demand an immediate reply or appear to follow your activity online.If you think a device or account may be monitored, take care before changing settings or passwords. A specialist domestic abuse or stalking service can help you think through a safer way to get support.
You are allowed to want privacy. You are allowed to have boundaries.
Am I Overreacting?
That question comes up often, especially when the behaviour is made up of small incidents. You might hear, “It was only a text,” or, “They’re just worried about the children.”
But you are the one living with the repeated messages, the changed plans and the feeling that you must manage someone else’s reaction. You do not need to have a perfect explanation before speaking to someone you trust.
It may help, if it is safe to do so, to keep a factual record of what happens and save relevant messages. A specialist service can help you consider what steps are right for your situation.
You Do Not Have To Decide Everything Today
If you recognise your experience in this blog, please be gentle with yourself. You may be dealing with fear, grief, anger and practical decisions all at once. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed.
Your next step can be small. It might be telling a trusted person what is happening, speaking to a domestic abuse service, or preparing questions for a solicitor. You do not have to prove everything or plan your whole future in one conversation.
How I Can Support You
I’m Julie Weekes, a Break-Up and Divorce Master Practitioner Coach and an MK Domestic Abuse Champion. Through Beyond The Break Coaching, I support men and women facing breakup, separation and divorce, including complex situations where control continues after the relationship ends.
I can give you a calm space to talk, help you sort through what feels most urgent, prepare for meetings with professionals and rebuild confidence in your own decisions. I work alongside specialist domestic abuse services and legal, financial and therapeutic professionals; coaching does not replace their advice or support.
Regular sessions, complemented by optional support between meetings, ensure you’re never left to face challenges alone. Guidance is available whenever emotions intensify or new obstacles arise.
The relationship may have ended.
The fear may still be there. But you do not have to face it alone.
Book your free 30-minute discovery call at www.beyondthebreakcoaching.co.uk.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
Managing the Workplace Conversation
Let me help you discover strategies to remain calm in challenging conversations and communicate with confidence. These skills improve your interactions in mediation, co-parenting, and everyday situations, allowing you to feel confident and more in control.
Help With Preparing for Practical Realities
While coaching doesn’t replace legal advice, it equips you with the mindset and structure to approach mediation, discussions with your ex, and solicitor meetings with clarity and confidence.
Life After Divorce
As you start to feel clearer, coaching helps you build a future that feels right for you. It’s your time to reconnect with who you are and create a life that feels safe, real, and happy.
How Do Sessions Work?
I offer a free 30 minute Discovery Call. Thereafter, your first session would be 90 minutes and gives you immediate relief which is charged at one hour helps to give you: emotional clarity, and practical direction. Sessions after that can be booked individually or as part of a block package, which is more cost-effective.
I can provide full terms and conditions for these arrangements upon request, so you know exactly what to expect.
The first session is designed to help you feel grounded, supported, and clear about your next steps. If you choose to continue with coaching, the guidance and structure from that initial session will seamlessly carry over into your ongoing plan.ext to edit it.
How To Book
If you’re ready to explore how coaching could support you, a free 30-minute discovery call offers the chance to discuss your situation and look at your next steps.
Coaching empowers you to take control of your emotions, decisions, and future—turning a turbulent chapter into an opportunity for growth, clarity, and renewed confidence.
To book your free 30-minute discovery call, click here:
Please note that all sessions are conducted online, allowing you to receive support from the comfort of your own home.
Facing the end of a relationship can feel isolating, but with the right support, it’s possible to approach this transition strategically and move toward a positive resolution.
Schedule your free discovery call today and begin your journey toward stability and confidence.
We're here to help at Beyond The Break Coaching
It can also be the beginning of another. With the right support, that next chapter can be stable, confident and purposeful.
If you would like guidance, you can book a free 30-minute discovery call here: Book a Discovery Call Today.
Share this post: